I’ve never been all that good at making decisions. I have made some pretty poor decisions in my life and I’ve also made some good ones too; maybe even some great ones along the way. But when it comes to making decisions about what movie to watch, which version of Hillsong’s song Hosanna to download or which burger to pick at Grill’d, I struggle. If there are two or more good things to pick from, I would prefer someone else made the decision for me! And that’s how I felt with the last big decision I made.
In 2011 I made the life altering decision of saying ‘yes’ to God’s call to serve with NET Ministries. The whole process was long and drawn out. I spent 2010 looking into NET and by the end of the year it was a serious option for me. For the next six months I was on a seesaw. One week I was certain God was calling me to NET in 2012, the next I was sure He wasn’t. But after months of discernment, saying ‘yes’ came quite easy. It was exciting. Until this point in my life I had never made a decision with such conviction and peace in my heart. So 2012 started and it soon became the craziest, toughest, most fun, life changing, rewarding and life-giving year of my life. And I knew I was called to a second year of NET. 2013 rolled around and I headed back to Brisbane and my year on NET did not disappoint - in fact it far exceeded my expectations. But doing a third year was never part of my plan.
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| Sydney CYS Team 2012 |
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| St Fidelis 2013 Team |
Let’s go back to NET Initial Training at the start of 2013. I was having a conversation with two other second years. One of them said ‘do you think there’ll be third years next year?’ and I responded with ‘yes’. My logic was that there were so many second years that at least one of us had to be crazy enough to come back again, but I honestly thought it would be one of them! I didn’t think I’d be back for a third year. And I didn’t want to go back either. Not because I my years were horrible. I loved my two years on NET. But because I thought I would be too tired to do another year.
As the end of my second year got closer, there were two questions that people would ask, not in any particular order:
- Are you doing another year?
- What are you doing after NET?
To the second I would answer something to the effect of ‘I don’t know. I’ll just take some time and see what God is calling me to’. And to the first I would give a standard response that sounded something like ‘no. This is my second year of NET, and you don’t normally do more than two.’ Then there were a few people who would ask if I would ever do a third year and I would say ‘no’ straight up. I didn’t want anyone to know that if I was called I might say ‘yes’. But I didn’t want to acknowledge that God might even be calling me to a third year.
I had long term plans and doing a third year didn’t fit with any of them. I decided that I wanted to work for a couple of years, get a little money in my piggy bank and then go on an adventure around the world - maybe walk the Camino and have the white Christmas I’ve always wanted. It was going to be great! I wanted to move to Brisbane, but if a great opportunity came my way and God was calling me to it, I wasn’t going to say ‘no’. So I started applying for jobs. I didn’t get the first job I applied for and was quite relieved when I didn’t get it. Why? Even though it was a great job, I knew I didn’t actually want it; I wanted to want it. A few other jobs that interested me came up. I liked them all, but didn’t feel particularly called or drawn to any of them. I knew I wanted to be, but I just couldn’t see myself in any of the roles. I spent time thinking about what my career goals were and I realised more than anything I desire to live my life as a Christian and to help others grow in their relationship with God. It is that simple. All of these jobs would do that, but I knew that wasn’t where God was calling me. I was still avoiding His call. And I can say it had been there for a while.
I eventually acknowledged that maybe God was calling me to a third year of NET. I didn’t want Him to be. But I prayed about it, finally spoke to someone and prayed about it some more. I didn’t want to say ‘yes’, but I stumbled upon this quote from Pope Francis: ‘I say to myself, and I say to you: do we let God write our lives? Or do we want to do the writing ourselves?’ I realised that I needed to let God do His thing and it became very clear to me that a third year of NET was in fact what God is calling me to, even though it wasn’t what I wanted God to be calling me to. So I said ‘yes’.
I know that this next year is going to be full of challenges, and therefore full of victories. It’s going to be full of business, and therefore full of prayer. It’s going to be tough, therefore fruitful and rewarding. It’s going to be a whole lot of work, and therefore absolutely full of joy. The decision to do a third year wasn’t an easy one to make. It was harder than saying ‘yes’ to God the first time, but it has brought me peace. I know that if I give everything in my third year, and in the wise words of a good friend, ‘God will give me the grace’, and maybe it will turn out to be one of the greatest decisions I’ll ever make... That and having the ‘Baa Baa’ Burger at Grill’d!
